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2000-09-11 - 01:59:50 Sometimes I feel like a complete shit. Harry messgaged me tonight. We were talking about random bullshit, like normal. He told me he is playing the online d&d game that we met on again. Just blardeblar... And then I asked when he was going to actually FILE for divorce. We've been separated as a couple for nearly a year and in physical distance for 5 months. There was a long pause and then he said, "I don't want a divorce." Sigh. Hello denial. "Um, you say that you want me back. But you do absolutely nothing to achieve that goal." "There's nothing I can do!" "If you think that, then we don't need to be together. I need constant attention. You never gave me that before and you don't give me that now. Face it. We're over." Long pause. He finally sends me another message. "Ok." But, me, being the mean, cold, stupid bitch that I am, couldn't let it go at that. This whole time that we have been apart, I have never told him about any other men that I have been with. I have never told him that I dated or slept with anyone else. I didn't lie about it; he just never asked. I knew HE was sleeping with some other chick when I lived there, but I kept all of my stuff to myself. But I knew that would be the one thing that would hurt him enough to give up. "I'm seeing someone now." Ok, I've been seeing other people for a long time, but it's time for him to let go. So he's agreed to actually file. Don't know how soon that will happen, or if he actually WILL get off his ass and do something by himself for a change, but at least he's looking in that direction now instead of thinking we're going to get back together some day. I told him, "I don't want to hurt you or make you angry, but I don't want you to harbor false hopes either." We'll see... Speaking of "seeing someone," I kidnapped Trent for almost the entire weekend.:) Poor guy. He had to spend his whole Saturday bored off his ass at my theatre. It was really cool having him to hang out with, though. Tired of dancing by myself to the end credits of "Big Momma's House". I am so glad no one can see me up there. I'm way too white for that dancing shit. And on another note, I seem to get two specific types of Spam. "Want financial freedom?" and "God is great, pass it on or yer going to Hell." What's with that? I mean, I understand the former. Everyone wants to get rich so it's a great scheme. But what's with the God chain letters? Does God monitor my email and how many people I forwarded the letter to? And I have specific people that send me these; usually people that I used to be friends with that got my email address and all they send me are God forwards. No "hey, how are ya, how's yer life?" but all "GOD AND BILL GATES HAVE A PLAN FOR YOU...." Geez.
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